Tree of dreams

So its the start of the annual year end holidays. Which brings the meaning, my form four life has ended, and i would be moving on to something more serious and important next year, the scary SPM.  So anyway i just watched this inspirational video on YouTube and wish to share it with you guys :) Enjoy.

XOXO

In a state of shock

Okay, when i said i no longer care, that's just to protect myself from getting hurt.  And i finally did it until... ugh, why can't things go as planned?  I just hate to have my plans changed, and now?  It has returned to the initial state which i hope to have erased.  I can't believe what i saw this morning, and it is definitely not my aim to wake up to see such things.

Reality hurts, that's what i hear from plenty of people.  I should have just continued dreaming in dreamland rather than seeing what i saw.  I can't believe i missed out again and now what i see is... ugh i can't even bring myself to say what i saw.

I just don't understand what goes about in your head, i would really like to know though.  This has brought me nowhere and i am still getting frustrated for no reason.  If you were to know, i bet you think i am really crazy like how i really am. :) I may have did certain things wrongly in the past but now, the blame is no longer on me.  I can't believe i am so stupid to ever blame myself for it.

Wake up joyi.  Yes i should.  I used to wonder all sorts of possibilities but now, they are no longer of use.  Its all over, another nightmare of mine is gone, well i hope.  Thoughts and images has been haunting me day and night, night and day.  Just last night, i had the weirdest dream ever.  I can't believe i dreamt of it againnnn.  Please would you stop haunting me and let me sleep and carry out my daily activities in peace.  Maybe what i wish now would make me regret, just please if you do not care, just stop haunting me.

Sometimes, i wonder if i have the so called 'true confidence' when it comes to these type of things, well i don't think so.  Though i have people who care for me more than i ever wanted, and i should feel grateful, i must admit i am just another greedy person. I tend to care for those who cares for me and those who don't, especially those who don't and end up feeling all hurt and well, thats who i am.  I am no different than you.  I am a normal person after all, no superwoman.  Though i am trying really hard to overcome these feelings of mine, there are days like today when i realize the truth once more and over think again.

I should probably stop thinking about it and make people who care get all worried about what happened.  Nothing did :)  That's what happened. Nothing, and here i am getting all tensed up when nothing happened.  How stupid of me. Pfft.  Well, busy day ahead of me, and i hope to get through today with a smile of my face :) and heal as quickly as possible well, i feel so much better blogging all this out.

So, tata.

XOXO

Miss MGS

It has been a year, officially.  2nd November 2011, a memorable day indeed.  Though hectic, it was really exciting and overwhelming.  Running around, changing as fast as possible without a changing room and my assistants, Fungxin and Kamen were so helpful and awesome!  The outfit search, the rehearsals for my performance, the help i got from various people, the support from my friends, ah its all still vivid in my mind.

Let's start from where it all started.  After PMR, my friends and i were given the list of competitions and the highlight of the whole after PMR activities was of course the annual Miss MGS competition.  I like everyone else, anticipated for it and was wondering who'd be chosen to represent my class, 3 Hornbill.

And suddenly i saw my name on the whiteboard, and they all agreed so i joined since it might be fun and i could gain new experience :)  I told my ballet teacher about it and she was so sweet to help me think up a dance for my talent time competition.  She even lent me some accessories to go with my dress.

Next, time for the gown search or dress search.  So, the theme was Glamour and Glitter.  Visited a few boutiques round town and tried several gowns, and finally found one.  Its a purple one, just plain purple.

Finally the day arrived, and i arrived to school late haha.  Was nervous the night before but managed to get a few hours of beauty sleep though :) Went into class and was greeted by my excited friends who made me more nervous haha.  I brought like two huge bags to place my tutu and also my gown and shoes, it was indeed a tough one to carry it into school.

The feeling on stage, and the everlasting cheers from the crowd, especially 3 Hornbill made me feel overwhelmed and forget all my nervousness.  Without them, I would never have made it by myself.  Being crowned and announced as Miss MGS 2011, was more than what i wanted, which was experience.  This whole event changed my point of view on life, and my life even.  I have been yet moulded into a better person.

It has been a year now, and the time of the year arrived just two days ago.  I was invited to crown the new Miss MGS 2012, Melissa Tan.  Witnessing the whole event at the side of the stage brought all the memories back to me.  Time flies.  And now i have learned another value, Cherish time well :)

Thank you jowei for making this vid for me <3

XOXO

Temptations

Temptation. Temptation is a word that no one can truly describe, and appears in lives of every individual.  That's what i wrote for my english essay and now, i am going to blog about it.

Temptations are really hard to resist and if you are not careful you will probably surrender, which is what i always do.  I know what i am doing might be wrong, but this tiny voice inside my head keeps asking me to go for it.  And hence when i do, i do not know what might be the possible outcome of it. I might be going on this trail where i will end up being alone in the dark, all alone. However, I might also  end up in paradise, where birds soar freely and everything is colorful.

What i am doing or feeling, i no longer know.  It is a foreign feeling and this feeling has invaded my mind and also my heart.  It is weird which makes me real curious to discover what it really means, though i know i might end up being all wounded or worse.

Hasty decisions. When i first knew of it, i hesitated and when people advised me to go for it, i went for it without thinking twice.  Now i don't know if this is a feeling of regret or just a mere disappointment.  I am now lost in this dark dark place.

I wonder if i can survive through this, of course i can, but it's a just a choice whether if i want to or do i want to be stuck here in this place since it is so weird and new to me. Do i want to discover more about it?  Curiosity kills.  Ugh.

I guess it is really time for me to leave this case for now.  I knew you were trouble.

P.S. Blogging this out reminds me of my essay, which of course i did not write like this. I probably crapped much? aiks, joyi, stop thinking about exams will you? ><

XOXO

Life

It is such a miracle to see new born babies hop out from their mother's womb after being in there for ages.  It is so magical to see a solid cute moving creature you call a baby moving her arms and legs, stretching out and trying to move, since she is still new to this entire human world.

On 8 October 2012, my niece joined the family.  She is so cute and chubby, causing me to melt just by looking through her pictures on Facebook.  Her name is Calleigh Lai Kar Ann. <3 I am sure she will grow up to be this really pretty little girl or adult.  I can't wait to see her grown up and all. :') omg i am such a great auntie hahaha.  those who will plan for their nieces and all LOL and i am just sixteen years older than her? aih auntie instincts just came to me. :P  can't help it HAHA

So now to the pictures,

Ah why you so cute?

<3

Cuteness overflowing everywhere >< She is just TOO cute.  Her mouth, so cute! ahhh and her eyes, hehehe

XOXO

P.S. better leave now, auntie JOYI JIEJIE going crazy :P

Forgotten

Being forgotten is one of the worst feelings ever.  One instant you are in this one person's life, knowing everything and another you are just hanging there on your own without a place to hold on.  Falling from up high, of course it is going to hurt a lot.

I do not exist anymore in your life, thats all. :)  I learned to be optimistic through some people.  I can't believe this is another case which proved to me that my senses are totally wrong.  How can i think you would be such a person?  You couldn't care less.

I shouldn't even be wasting time blogging about you.  But i am just learning from experience, I finally got my senses right.  You do not care from the start.  I don't know why you made me feel like you do.  I don't know why you did all that.  It just kills me more to see what happened these days.

The past is the past.  Therefore i shall look forward to a new day :)  And plan a better future! :)  I know i can, just stand up and be strong.  However the strongest people are sometimes the weakest inside. I will try to be as strong as i can :)

New day new hopes new beginnings

XOXO

Ups and Downs

In life, there are ups and downs which will cause deep memories.  Tonight is just one of those nights.  Problems registering themselves one by one, killing me a little more and scarring my fragile heart.  Can i not tend to all these problems and live solitarily?  The answer is no.

I just could not stop the tears from pouring down, its like raining cats and dogs now.  And i can't stop em.  I really hope it fades with the passage of time and never let me remember tonight, please.  Can i wake up and discover all these a huge and ugly nightmare and go back to my usual self?  The answer is probably no again?

It hurts so much to hear those words from you.  The three words that I would never expect to hear from you to me.  It hurts so much to remember the way you said it.  It hurts so much to know that it is a slip of the tongue.  It hurts so much you did not even bother to apologize after.  It hurts incredibly to know that I am what you said.  What do you mean?  Am i not supposed to be in this cruel human world?

And yet, to claim you as my hero, its all wrong.  Why am i so naive and think you would really love me?  Why am i so naive to think that you are doing all this for me, and for me only?  "Love was massaged onto me, and the fragrance could be smelled miles away"?  How stupid is that? Pfft.

I defended you when people looked down on you, but i guess i was wrong all this while?  Why must you say it out loud?  My heart is now in pieces and i just couldnt find a glue strong enough to stick them together.  It is broken completely.

Not to mention the tremendous stress i have on all my upcoming exams.  it just all have to be perfect, if not, near to perfection.  I admit i am a perfectionist and will get really mad when things don't go my way.  I am born this way and i tried my best to change my views on thinking.

Focusing isn't my forte.  And so are my turns.  Though i tried really hard to spot, i seem to always look elsewhere in the end.  And ballet is my partial life since i have been living it since three? four? Please don't hurt me since i tried my very best to embrace you.  People might say that my steps aren't as good as others but who cares? I just try to be better than myself :)

My eyes are now puffed up and all ruddy from the immense crying just now and i still can't stop the tap from flowing though.  Should I forgive and forget?  It isn't as easy as people say it is.  Should i completely forget who you are as well?  Since you forgot me and i no longer exist in your life.  Should i really let it all go?  Should i even be that good?  I know i don't usually get angry at stuff and wouldn't scold people but that doesn't mean i don't okay?  If i do, whoever you are, are in deep trouble.


If only it were all a dream... a nightmare... a horrible story....