In a state of shock

Okay, when i said i no longer care, that's just to protect myself from getting hurt.  And i finally did it until... ugh, why can't things go as planned?  I just hate to have my plans changed, and now?  It has returned to the initial state which i hope to have erased.  I can't believe what i saw this morning, and it is definitely not my aim to wake up to see such things.

Reality hurts, that's what i hear from plenty of people.  I should have just continued dreaming in dreamland rather than seeing what i saw.  I can't believe i missed out again and now what i see is... ugh i can't even bring myself to say what i saw.

I just don't understand what goes about in your head, i would really like to know though.  This has brought me nowhere and i am still getting frustrated for no reason.  If you were to know, i bet you think i am really crazy like how i really am. :) I may have did certain things wrongly in the past but now, the blame is no longer on me.  I can't believe i am so stupid to ever blame myself for it.

Wake up joyi.  Yes i should.  I used to wonder all sorts of possibilities but now, they are no longer of use.  Its all over, another nightmare of mine is gone, well i hope.  Thoughts and images has been haunting me day and night, night and day.  Just last night, i had the weirdest dream ever.  I can't believe i dreamt of it againnnn.  Please would you stop haunting me and let me sleep and carry out my daily activities in peace.  Maybe what i wish now would make me regret, just please if you do not care, just stop haunting me.

Sometimes, i wonder if i have the so called 'true confidence' when it comes to these type of things, well i don't think so.  Though i have people who care for me more than i ever wanted, and i should feel grateful, i must admit i am just another greedy person. I tend to care for those who cares for me and those who don't, especially those who don't and end up feeling all hurt and well, thats who i am.  I am no different than you.  I am a normal person after all, no superwoman.  Though i am trying really hard to overcome these feelings of mine, there are days like today when i realize the truth once more and over think again.

I should probably stop thinking about it and make people who care get all worried about what happened.  Nothing did :)  That's what happened. Nothing, and here i am getting all tensed up when nothing happened.  How stupid of me. Pfft.  Well, busy day ahead of me, and i hope to get through today with a smile of my face :) and heal as quickly as possible well, i feel so much better blogging all this out.

So, tata.

XOXO