Temptations

Temptation. Temptation is a word that no one can truly describe, and appears in lives of every individual.  That's what i wrote for my english essay and now, i am going to blog about it.

Temptations are really hard to resist and if you are not careful you will probably surrender, which is what i always do.  I know what i am doing might be wrong, but this tiny voice inside my head keeps asking me to go for it.  And hence when i do, i do not know what might be the possible outcome of it. I might be going on this trail where i will end up being alone in the dark, all alone. However, I might also  end up in paradise, where birds soar freely and everything is colorful.

What i am doing or feeling, i no longer know.  It is a foreign feeling and this feeling has invaded my mind and also my heart.  It is weird which makes me real curious to discover what it really means, though i know i might end up being all wounded or worse.

Hasty decisions. When i first knew of it, i hesitated and when people advised me to go for it, i went for it without thinking twice.  Now i don't know if this is a feeling of regret or just a mere disappointment.  I am now lost in this dark dark place.

I wonder if i can survive through this, of course i can, but it's a just a choice whether if i want to or do i want to be stuck here in this place since it is so weird and new to me. Do i want to discover more about it?  Curiosity kills.  Ugh.

I guess it is really time for me to leave this case for now.  I knew you were trouble.

P.S. Blogging this out reminds me of my essay, which of course i did not write like this. I probably crapped much? aiks, joyi, stop thinking about exams will you? ><

XOXO

Life

It is such a miracle to see new born babies hop out from their mother's womb after being in there for ages.  It is so magical to see a solid cute moving creature you call a baby moving her arms and legs, stretching out and trying to move, since she is still new to this entire human world.

On 8 October 2012, my niece joined the family.  She is so cute and chubby, causing me to melt just by looking through her pictures on Facebook.  Her name is Calleigh Lai Kar Ann. <3 I am sure she will grow up to be this really pretty little girl or adult.  I can't wait to see her grown up and all. :') omg i am such a great auntie hahaha.  those who will plan for their nieces and all LOL and i am just sixteen years older than her? aih auntie instincts just came to me. :P  can't help it HAHA

So now to the pictures,

Ah why you so cute?

<3

Cuteness overflowing everywhere >< She is just TOO cute.  Her mouth, so cute! ahhh and her eyes, hehehe

XOXO

P.S. better leave now, auntie JOYI JIEJIE going crazy :P

Forgotten

Being forgotten is one of the worst feelings ever.  One instant you are in this one person's life, knowing everything and another you are just hanging there on your own without a place to hold on.  Falling from up high, of course it is going to hurt a lot.

I do not exist anymore in your life, thats all. :)  I learned to be optimistic through some people.  I can't believe this is another case which proved to me that my senses are totally wrong.  How can i think you would be such a person?  You couldn't care less.

I shouldn't even be wasting time blogging about you.  But i am just learning from experience, I finally got my senses right.  You do not care from the start.  I don't know why you made me feel like you do.  I don't know why you did all that.  It just kills me more to see what happened these days.

The past is the past.  Therefore i shall look forward to a new day :)  And plan a better future! :)  I know i can, just stand up and be strong.  However the strongest people are sometimes the weakest inside. I will try to be as strong as i can :)

New day new hopes new beginnings

XOXO

Ups and Downs

In life, there are ups and downs which will cause deep memories.  Tonight is just one of those nights.  Problems registering themselves one by one, killing me a little more and scarring my fragile heart.  Can i not tend to all these problems and live solitarily?  The answer is no.

I just could not stop the tears from pouring down, its like raining cats and dogs now.  And i can't stop em.  I really hope it fades with the passage of time and never let me remember tonight, please.  Can i wake up and discover all these a huge and ugly nightmare and go back to my usual self?  The answer is probably no again?

It hurts so much to hear those words from you.  The three words that I would never expect to hear from you to me.  It hurts so much to remember the way you said it.  It hurts so much to know that it is a slip of the tongue.  It hurts so much you did not even bother to apologize after.  It hurts incredibly to know that I am what you said.  What do you mean?  Am i not supposed to be in this cruel human world?

And yet, to claim you as my hero, its all wrong.  Why am i so naive and think you would really love me?  Why am i so naive to think that you are doing all this for me, and for me only?  "Love was massaged onto me, and the fragrance could be smelled miles away"?  How stupid is that? Pfft.

I defended you when people looked down on you, but i guess i was wrong all this while?  Why must you say it out loud?  My heart is now in pieces and i just couldnt find a glue strong enough to stick them together.  It is broken completely.

Not to mention the tremendous stress i have on all my upcoming exams.  it just all have to be perfect, if not, near to perfection.  I admit i am a perfectionist and will get really mad when things don't go my way.  I am born this way and i tried my best to change my views on thinking.

Focusing isn't my forte.  And so are my turns.  Though i tried really hard to spot, i seem to always look elsewhere in the end.  And ballet is my partial life since i have been living it since three? four? Please don't hurt me since i tried my very best to embrace you.  People might say that my steps aren't as good as others but who cares? I just try to be better than myself :)

My eyes are now puffed up and all ruddy from the immense crying just now and i still can't stop the tap from flowing though.  Should I forgive and forget?  It isn't as easy as people say it is.  Should i completely forget who you are as well?  Since you forgot me and i no longer exist in your life.  Should i really let it all go?  Should i even be that good?  I know i don't usually get angry at stuff and wouldn't scold people but that doesn't mean i don't okay?  If i do, whoever you are, are in deep trouble.


If only it were all a dream... a nightmare... a horrible story....