Truth

Certain things, I'd do anything to unsee.

Hm make that all the unhappy things.

But the world isn't like that. 

You don't get to choose things to see.

They are just lying there, for you to discover.

I never wanted to know this.  Even if I had a choice, I wouldn't want to know.  Although I admit, it crossed my mind a lot of times, way more than it should.  It's just the curiosity taking its toll, nudging at my conscience, Every. Single. Time.  But trust me, I tried to do what I do best, brush it off and psych myself that it's nothing, just my brain going dysfunctional on me.  It works... temporarily.

"Oh, it's all just coincidence!" -  I don't believe in that.  Well, I didn't, I'm not sure now.  I'd like to think everything happens for a reason, crossing paths with strangers, or even just a slight fall in school.  You see, you'l never know if that stranger could potentially be your spouse or if that slight fall could be the cause of your scoliosis.  I look at it this way, it's like a plot.  It's been written out, just waiting for execution.

But from that very moment that I saw it, i thought to myself it MUST be coincidence.  Either that, or I saw wrong.  There is zero possibility this is happening.  So I rubbed my eyes, hoping it was just dust that made me see things, but of course not, there it was, still right in front of me.

Next up, acceptance, now that's a difficult one.  Couldn't run any further from the truth, because it just drains you out each day, from all the avoiding and denying but in the end, nothing has changed.  Of course, I wanted everything to remain as it was, I really still want that now.  But (ugh I hate this word) there is certainly no denying the truth, because what happened, happened.  Sometimes, I just wish that I could pick another option and another outcome would miraculously appear, like you know, in story-oriented games.  However, this is reality.

Although I didn't really seem to have much of a choice from the beginning up till this point (besides from choosing to accept the truth) I know it's all up to me on what happens next.  The Action.  Well, that'l be another story by itself, something I don't even know yet, I just wish I knew what the guidelines were, I really don't want to mess this up.  Sigh no such luck though but it's time.  Time to wake up from this nightmare and get myself prepared for the storm that's about to come.

I tried.. to be optimistic about this, I still do