trust issues

i constantly find myself attempting to believe wholly and completely the things said by other people; and ceasing myself from being overly skeptical of the actual intentions behind every statement (i.e. whether they are merely saying things to be polite, get into my good shoes or if they truly meant it).

i have no idea when i became so broken. all i used to say was 'come on, you know i trust you more than anything'. well, i guess i am who i am now because obviously that statement was not conveyed well and all i got in return was a 'no, joyi you shouldn't have trusted me'.

can friendships or relationships work without trust? will i ever be able to put my guard down and let these invaders come in and make themselves comfortable; before tearing my heart apart as they walk away with it.

when will i be able to differentiate which version of the truth you gave is the closest to the actual truth?

xx

three little things

one

i wish to travel to some place far far away where everyone are strangers to the other; a place where new connections are established. wouldn't it be nice to be in a place where your past doesn't catch up to you? a fresh start. no 'the world is so small; your friend is a friend of someone else you know'. no going to places that reminds you of someone. no bumping into people you really don't want to meet again. no wishing to meet people who has hurt you before and yet you are left wondering about the what-ifs. then again, this sounds more like amnesia instead. maybe, just maybe, that'd be good.

two

am i the only one who has thoughts running through every nook and cranny of my mind? was it just a facade you put up or does it really not matter to you anymore that things are in this state now? does the promises you once made haunt you some nights? don't you want to reestablish that connection? 

i don't think emotional ties, especially those that you have expressed all your buried thoughts to the other, could ever be severed cleanly. 

three

will there ever be acceptance on my end? when will i ever learn to completely trust again? is time really all i need?

xx