So currently I am embarking on this new journey called university. Well I have always secretly kind of liked studying because it is all so interesting; like legit everything is interesting.
I have never felt this way, never disliked anything that gives me new knowledge before.
Okay maybe I have, but rarely (also usually its because I beat myself so hard for getting not-so-great results - and yes, not so great might mean a B). I am a major nerd, definitely haha, and I admit it. But right now I just feel really demotivated to do anything, like I mean I don't know if i have always been lucky or if sciences and math were so much easier to understand and apply? All you need is a bit of practice and you'll be fine.
Trust me, making such a drastic change to life (i.e. enrolling into a law program) really has me thinking and wondering if i made the right choice. Time and time again, these sciences and math just pop into mind and i can't stop myself but wonder how I would be coping in university if i was enrolled as a science student instead. I loved it all, and I love it still. Yeah yeah... such a geek. If you're wondering why I did it, well I'll save that for another day.
For my current course and application, it's all so different; it makes me question myself all the time. Am I just not made for this? A small part of me always nudges me whenever that thought comes into mind, 'joyi, you need to stop thinking that way, don't be weak. don't give up because you are not doing as well as you want yourself to'.
Expectations kill me, legit. Always have, always will.
It feels so surreal to finally be in a university, far away from home. This whole long distance thing definitely has taken a toll on me; I mean everything is interesting here, the people I met here are amazing but at times like this, I wish I could be home, cuddled in bed and just wait for my grandma to bring my my favourite dessert. It's difficult, very difficult to always make it seem like I am not homesick cause in reality, I really am. The 'I can't show it to my family members that I am sad because I miss them so so much cause they will be sad too' struggle is really real. I mean what was I supposed to do? Just suck it up and bawl my eyes out and then be all happy again the next day?
Ugh, this whole university thing still makes me cringe. Don't get me wrong, there are always good days, good adventures which fill me up with so much blessing it makes me smile from ear to ear. I just usually drop by on the bad ones, haha. I need to start dropping in on all days so this blog is less depressing. Looking forward to a better tomorrow!
To you reading this, have a wonderful day ahead x
