These few weeks definitely are not the best weeks of my life. I still don't know if I can emerge at the end of all this, feeling glad that it all happened. As much as I love growing and discovering, there are certain things that I wish would just go away. I am well aware that the fastest way to grow is by experiencing different adversities in life, but there is just this limit as to how much one can take. 'Death by a thousand cuts' isn't what I want.
I used to think that I can take on anything, that I was prepared; but recently, I realised how energy draining all these could be, not mentioning how heart breaking it is to be slapped in the face with bad news every single day. These days, I have been praying and praying for all of these to just go away, to just leave me alone. Sometimes I wonder if I could just run, to a place far far away and start over in a place where no one knew me. Wait. Been there, done that. But realise this, you can never run away from your identity, from who you really are.
Then, comes this epiphany that I should just suck it up and try to handle things as well as I can, despite me dying inside. Well maybe this is one of the many things in life where I could look back and feel 'I am glad that happened, I wouldn't be where I am if not for it' or I could feel 'Aw man, I will never want to experience it at all if we went back in time'. I don't know which it will be yet but I damn well hope that it is not something that would kill me to the roots and break me permanently, and with that I am going to do my best to survive this storm and wait for the rainbows. To those barely surviving from bad days or weeks, let's do this together.
xx
