Expectations

It is something that could either make you or break you. It could either drive you to success or lead you to your downfall.

Well, it works both ways for me. The pressure it gives me often make me work harder towards my goals. But whenever i feel like things aren't going the way I want it to, I would end up very very disappointed in myself. And that, is turning into a daily thing for me right now. 

Being in a new environment, doing something so new to me, it is more often that not I would make mistakes, in one aspect or another. That is totally fine, people say. You will do better, people say. But I really have no room for blunders now, do I? 

If you are someone who is close to me, I bet you will already have figured out how easy it is for me to be disappointed at myself. More often than not, you would end up comforting me even though I did pretty alright, it is just all these expectations I have on myself which is taking a toll on me, and i still have zero idea on how to stop them from coming.

Unfortunately, tonight is one of those nights where I just snug under the covers of my bed, feeling shitty and wished that I could have another go at today. 

'Well, there's always tomorrow' and yes, I agree with that a 100%. I know I eventually will let go of the events which took place today, but for now, this moment, just let me envelop myself in this feeling of disappointment for a bit, and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.

xx 

Well, if you're wondering, I admit I don't usually do blog posts like this. I would usually point a problem and convince myself that there are ways I could fix it, or at least improve myself on that aspect. However, tonight's one of those nights where I feel like just being this way and there is no point being so positive about changing and upgrading my views. Guess i have reached a point in life where I feel that it is actually alright to not be perfect. It is alright that I am not perfect yet and I will never be, but it doesn't hurt putting some thought into it haha

On another note, I was just on a video call with my grandma and mum in Malaysia. Phone calls and video calls from home always strikes something in me, especially since I am so far from home (which sucks). Tonight is exactly one of the nights I needed that call, to remind myself of the support I have. (i am not saying i don't feel supported right now or that i yearn support 24/7 in order to live life, but it is nice, you know, to be able to always come home to supportive family - and not to forget physical hugs work too)

Alright, I've got to get back to working on my assignments and college work. Will write again soon xx